Making It Through
by Sunshine-M
Summary: Spoilers for Consumed, s05e06, so read at your own risks. Carol's thought on their rescue mission. Daryl/carol heavily implied, Carol's POV. Please Read and Review


She felt like she is just a ball of ache, but she was also happy, and this was making her feel so weird.

Her whole body hurt, from the car collision a couple of days before, then the crazy escape from the hospital, but she felt more like herself, more like she had a sense of who herself was.

Just a few days prior, she had been ready to leave the group of these people she loved and adored, because she couldn't stand their judgment, whether good or bad. She had been doing so many things, as she had told Daryl, about who she had been allowed to be at the prison, but there always had been an underlying guilt, like she had had to lose her daughter to be able to be that woman.

She had known things were not connected, but sometimes at night, at the prison, in her bed, she had dreamed of her baby, out of reach, with tears along her face, looking at her like her mother had wanted her gone. She had wanted Ed gone, but Sophia never.

She had wanted to believe that like a phoenix, she had started over, a new life, with everything it meant, but so often she found herself reminded of who she had been. And Sophia… Taking care of Judith had always felt so soothing, because if there were still babies in this world, then surely it couldn't be the Apocalypse right?

Yet bad things happened to babies, and little girls.

She hugged the sleeping Beth closer to her chest, even if it made the ache worsen.

This was a little girl who had become a woman, yet right then, she was back to being a little girl. Carol was so proud of her. She had been so strong, she had kept her head on, and she had done what needed to be done to let them help her break free from St Grady.

This was one of the many things she hadn't known if she would experience again, if she would be able to hug the girl she had taken under her wing and who had matured into this amazing butterfly, beautiful, fierce, yet frail. There was a saying, about beauty being in the breaking, but she never wanted Beth to break. Break down from time to time, everybody was allowed to do that, but never break and not mend. Carol didn't know what she would do if that were to happen.

The car was going at a speedy pace, and she looked over at Daryl, who had his eyes on the road, for now. She could tell he was stealing glances from time to time. She had told him he had become a man, and she had rarely meant something in her life. When she had told him about the shelter, and the way she had let Ed abuse her…. The Daryl she had met, he wouldn't have known what to say or what to do. The Daryl that was here, just Daryl had known that she didn't need words or gestures, she just needed an ear to listen.

She had felt so torn apart, as they were on the run, looking for Beth. She had realized almost instantly that a life when it was just the two of them, on the run, she could do that. He forced her to confront her feelings, whether he knew or not, and even though he never judged, he made her realize she was the harshest judge of her own character. When they had encountered the kid, Noah, who was sleeping in the backseat, she had been faced with her contradictions. She had told Daryl she hadn't meant to kill him when she had shot him, and she would swear it was the truth. Yet, she had also been wondering what they were fighting for if there was nobody to save anymore, and she wondered if she had been honest. How she wished she had been….

But she didn't know.

Beth cuddled up closer to her, and whimpered, and Carol wanted to cry. Beth didn't care what had been on her mind, she was just happy they had been reunited. Reunited! Carol had thought she had said goodbyes to all of them when Rick had banned her, and having the blonde tell her, in between visits from the doctor, that she had thought she would never see her again, but she always been on her mind, it had meant a lot. Beth would never be Sophia, and Carol didn't want her to be. Yet, Beth felt like family.

Daryl had been her family before, through and through, she realized now. When she had wanted to escape, he had followed. When they had met again, he had wept like she was the only thing that made things less horrible. It had moved her so much, the trust he put in her, when he had no reason or very little reason to trust people. He had grown so much, and she had grown in his heart. It had been one of the reasons why it had been so hard to think about staying with the group, when she thought about Lizzie and Micah… She felt like she had been dealt so many horrible tasks, she had been tainted.

When they would be back, she would ask Rick if it had felt the same when he had had to put an end to her baby's suffering. It would be a tough conversation, but after so much silence, she found that she had things she needed to say, or just expressed by being there.

"We're still saving people," Daryl said in a soft voice, and she reached out a hand in his direction. In a move that seemed to surprise the both of them, he grabbed her hand gently and kissed it, before keeping it in his.

"And people are saving us."

"We ain't ashes yet."

"No we're not," she agreed.

They weren't. She felt like she had hit rock bottom, and she had a giggle when she thought that the zombie apocalypse should have been rock bottom, and she finally felt like she was kicking back. The surface seemed closer and closer, and there was a hand, a hand she knew well for it was holding hers currently, held out, waiting for her, patiently, knowing she needed to be the one to decide to grab it.

She would grab that hand, she knew for a fact.

She giggled again, and Daryl looked at her with a smile.

"It reminds me of when I was younger, long road trip, with my parents in the front, and me and my sister behind."

He laughed silently and looked at her with a spark in his eyes.

"The life I never had, that of a functional family…. I'm liking it so far."

She wanted to tell him they were nowhere near functional, but instead she said:

"So do I, Pookie."

He kissed her hand again, and they kept on rolling, this old family of theirs.

The heat wouldn't strip that away from them.

Consumed she had felt, but now she realized it could have so many meanings, some she looked forward to. Daryl always did consume her, or so it felt. It also felt like now was the time when they would start acting on those feelings they both knew were there.

Only special people got called Pookie, and this one was hers, saving her life as he went.


End file.
